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It's The Black Helicopters Bitches

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Lucas to get secret treatment outside of US

For immediate release

It would appear that Michael Lucas has fled to Russia in fear of his life. As of late he has been increasingly irrational in his behavior and has been taken to a secret location for his safety. In a secret meeting with the staff of his company Michael told them that he was "going to visit his father". The truth is that he is off to an Eastern Europe for medical treatment regarding a failed cosmetic procedure. In my research for this blog post I have found out that Michael Lucas is in fact 65 years old and he has been lying about his age for years. All of these press releases are just a cover up for the real truth.

Michael was under the care of a "cosmetic practitioner" who got a batch of black market Botox and it seems that it contained a high concentration of mad cows decease. Thus causing Michael to temporarily loose his faculties. He has since been rushed to a doctor in Russia for secret treatments. The fight with the boyfriend of Brent Corrigan is just a symptom of his problems. I believe it was said that during the awards ceremony he had experienced slurred speech and seemed to be stumbling when he walked causing him to run into people.

The altercation and his belligerent behavior are also a symptom of being infected with this toxic agent. The FDA had recalled that batch of Botox that he received but through the unscrupulous black market there were some "beauty consultants" who bought up the supply that was supposed to be destroyed. It seems that in the ever-tightening financial markets this seems to be a recurring problem. People trying to save money and getting a bad product.

Stay tuned for further breaking news regarding this story.

This is Elmysterio and I'm out


  1. Ducky Puss lips exploded!

    he has gone back to Mother Russia for Reconstructive surgery!

  2. it seems that he got a bad batch of botox. from what I gather it is a serious problem.

  3. Terrible LOL who's the Flatiron Fucker now? Did we mention how he copied Angel and Brad's SBD with his "South beach seductions" even used some of the same cast PATHETIC!

  4. Now be nice he has mad cows decease from a tainted batch of Botox. He can not be held accountable for his actions.